poem

In year 9, in the UK, I did poems and analysing poetry. Now just because you put basic words in there, doesn't mean it's horrible as you 'think' it is in your comment. The first two words 'Thump, thump...' tells me your heart is beating when you see this gorgeous girl, the women who you know is your soul mate, the lady you know is right.

You go down to an interesting part to the poem 'I look in your eyes and I see my future' - Powerful. They say that beautiful comes from the eyes in some women, and using this example that you can see her future; I think you are depicting a lovely, beautiful, prosperous future. Smart! You don't know you're writing this type of stuff, yet it's astounding when deciphered properly.

You carry on to using 'Why do we fight?' A rhetorical question which is one of the best elements to a poem or to anything piece of text (I'm only recently using them). This grips the reading, intentionally, making them read on. In future, put this at the start or somewhere near the start. Asking a question will make the reader answer themselves, but continue to read on because it 'involves' the reader, as such.

You finish of with your feelings 'Forever, I Love You.' You've portrayed this sentence as an aphoristic cohesion. Doesn't matter what it means, but you used it here very good, showing your feelings at the same time.

Inspiring! No matter how 'bad' your work looks, people like me can depict and dwell in deeper to the meaning of a poem, where it be just a few lines, you can find a lot.